What'll I do?

Do you remember the song, "What'll I do when you are far away?" The very sad song from the movie The Great Gatsby? The movie was great, but somehow I imagined it differently (and now come the inevitable comment from kisconfuzzled...why do I always seem to talk about that book? it's become dirty from my constant allusions to it.)

What'll I do??? Well that's the main question on my mind. See, I have a vague feeling of what I want to do with my life, since that's the big question that I get from everybody. But what does it mean to know what you're going to do? Am I going to know what the world will be like tomorrow? Or will my goals be set and achieved, when I don't even know what they could be? I have a certain pride with being an English major, but there will be the constant hounding of what being an English major does to establish a career path....here are a few scenarios I imagine:

I see myself as writing a book, yet I would be too anxious to get to the ending (as I always do).
Or maybe being in a book store, but I would be too busy reading to get to any customer service. My editing is great, but there doesn't seem to be a point to reading other people's work, unless they are going to be the next Faulkner or something. Technical writing always leaves a sour trace in my mouth (would I receive bored expressions or screams accompanied with this?) So, I am at a loss. Maybe crossing over to history would do, if I could be a good teacher (I'm scared of crowds.) Or being an archaeologist, which makes perfect sense in the real world. How about theater, when I say to my mom "I'm going to be in the performing arts", hmmm. No, that won't do. So, I'm up in the air without a clue. And it isn't very fun for me, because I'm always a future based kind of girl.

I actually talked to a local college about their veterinary technician program, and it seemed nice, but I don't know how to go to school after I already got my bachelors. I love animals, but hurting them to make them heal isn't that appealing. I keep hearing my mom's voice in my head, when she asks what have I done in college these past few years, was it all for nothing? I don't know how to answer that. Sometimes I feel like I can never please her, like she will never be satisfied with my answer to the life question because I am not producing granddaughters. It's a shame, I know, but sometimes I am not the perfect daughter. I wonder why she wants me to be one so much. Such are the ponderings I have been pondering...

So there. There's my spiel because I know only one or two people will read this and know who I am. And I like to send out my feelings into space knowing that it won't get to the people who are previously mentioned.