Ms. Lonely Hearts

I remember the scene from Rear Window, when the lady who dresses in green across the street from Jimmy Stewart is so lonely in her life, with no human attention, that she tries to overdose on pills. Although I am noway near that sentimentality, I feel her pain. I too feel that way right now. Although it's only been a few days since my boyfriend and I broke up, it feels like an eternity of isolation. I like that my friends are doing great things in their life, and being who they want to me, but I just don't feel like I'm there celebrating with them. I wish I could be graduated, it's so soon! Yet, my friends are in other places right now, and I am here. I could be in a green dress in New York City, with no date waiting for me. It's not a pleasant feeling I'm in right now, worse because I live in a suburb and there's nothing to do in suburbs.

I had a lunch with my ex-husband today, (what was I thinking) and he told me that he knew a guy who was my age and divorced twice. TWICE?!! I couldn't believe somebody could rack up that many marriages, so young. I hope 22 is young. It's a terrible cycle, to have to find some hope of friends that you resort to exes. And then when you sit down and eat a sandwich with them, you realize that they were just as cold and distant as when you were married to them. And you realize, that life can be just as cold and distant as this meeting. I watched Ms. Lonely Hearts with a hopeful future, and almost laughed at her despair because of Jimmy's sardonic wit about her Saturday nights. Until I realized, I am her. Maybe I could learn to appreciate the green dress, and live with it.